If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
