3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
