I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
