smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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