The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Be still, my beating vagina.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
