Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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