Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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