I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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