The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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