im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
