She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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