i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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