I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
