She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
