is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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