I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
