Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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