I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
