arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
