Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
