I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
