Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
