I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize