Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
