he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
