just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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