I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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