There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
