Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
