Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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