Jerry, you need to find god
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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