When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
