He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
