we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
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I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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