ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
