Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
