You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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