Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
