We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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