I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
