you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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