so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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