Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
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