i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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