I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We need to rekindle our bromance
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
