I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Couch. On fire.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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