I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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