Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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