Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have tasted many bathrooms
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize