So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
