Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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