a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
