i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
