sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize