Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
