Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
