It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
