there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
