what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
