i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
