It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
