I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
