Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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