Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Can you bring me the toilet please
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
