I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
