Banned from zoo.
Again?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
