just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
