2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
