I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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