If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
