It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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