There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
