I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
