she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
