Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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