I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
