Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
