considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
