I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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