Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
